Monday, August 30, 2010

10 Days to end of 'Ramadhan'...

10 more days before the end of 'Ramadhan' and another year of 'syawal'. However, things are a lot different this year. I no longer have 8 pairs of 'baju raya' to parade in my blog. Yes indeed this is the toughest 'Syawal' for us. She's constantly in my prayers and everytime i say her name, i wud still shed tears. I cannot imagine the eve of 'syawal'..without her presence. Every year mom will make 'ketupat, rendang and kuah satay' esp for maksu. She will walk in the door and i can still hear her voice..'Mah datang' announcing her arrival to mom!! Ooohhh god..even making this entry is hard enough. I miss her terribly!!

I walk in the mall, with eyes wide open but a blank mind. I could not think of buying this n that without feeling the emptiness inside. If it wasnt for the kids, perhaps i wud just spend time indoors. I know life has to go on. In the future it will mean something but now, it's just a phrase that i hear now n then. Everyone has their side of story, i see people less fortunate just being grateful for what they have. I see things now that i was blinded and ignorant to before.
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Even my blog entry is becoming more depressing each day...hahaha. If it's not for my passion of crafting, my readers will probably stop reading due to boredom. I cannot think of anything cheerful to say, what more posting about shopping. I have a maroon kurung for raya this year. I wanted a black kurung, or perhaps grey as that's the only colour i cud think of, but then seeing the kids in grey seems to be depressing. It's not fair to succumb them with my sadness and after all they deserved to be happy.

I told Alif, my 7 years old of why i wasnt excited about anything. He was sitting at the back of the car when we had the conversation. He remembers 'Nek Su' being sick and later 'meeting god'. I said mama n grandma is very sad this year. He asked if i will be sick too one day..and i continue driving in silence...
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7 comments:

Fardahila Binti Omar said...

yang pergi tetap akan pergi.. saya pun baru kehilangan sepupu. sedih tu mmg la. tp kita yg hidup ni harus kuatkan semangat utk meneruskan kehidupan. mereka yg telah pergi itu semoga bersemadi dgn aman. yg masih hidup ini sedekahkan ayat2 suci kpd mereka dan memperbanyakkan amal ibadah kita semoga suatu hari nanti bila tiba saat kita pula bertemu Pencipta semoga didlm keadaan yg bersedia dan tenang :)

mariam said...

tak tau apa nak cakap to make you feel better dear, you hang in there ya.

Hugs!

haru baca Alif's statement.

take care ya Ame.

teacher jessy said...

Amelia, it is good to express out & I hope that u will find joy everyday. It is not easy to let go someone or bid farewell. I know that feeling! You hang in & lot of hugs ;)

Lynnda Hosni said...

if you are in front of me... I would just hug you tight ... without saying a word...

One thing i can say... be strong... as you always are... InshaAllah... you'd overcome...

things happened for a reason.... One thing I know it makes us wiser and realise what we've been missing....

take care my luv.... my prayers always for you... xx

mJ said...

mudah2an arwah tenang di sana...insyaAllah, u take care *hugs*

Amelia Khalik said...

Thank u all. Yes, this entry is merely to express my feelings. I'm not good at bottling things up n i feel so much better after letting it out. Sharing my thoughts is a form of relieved on my part. Tak banyak sikit pun jadilah..thank u all for being so supportive and understanding..*hugz too*..:))

Wati Basri said...

babe..hang in there..not easy but you can do it!! been there and no exactly how you feel. only time will heals everything...BIG HUGS!!!