After my recent lost, i look at life differently. There's so much i wanted to do. One..i pray to be able to perform Hajj next year. If Allah swt permits perhaps it would materialised insyAllah. Second..i pray to be forgiven of my many2 sins. It's time to pay back all those debts, one way or another. Third..to do things i dont have time to do before, spend more quality time with d kids, be a good wife to my husband, be a good daughter to my parents, be a good muslim. Just covering up but not living the Islam way is no point too. Definitely less shopping for the unneccersary, less talk n more action.
I vowed to do it all, life is short. Only god knows when, where n how our time will come. For that make each day count. Balancing 'dunia' n 'akhirat' is my aim now. I am still the same person but i'm looking at life not quite the same way anymore. I always think to myself..when i am at the after life n be question of my purpose in this 'dunia'. What will be my answer to god?? Will the many designer bags that i acquired bring goodness then??? or the fancy cars and the big house be measured??? I cried thinking about it...i am so lost in my own world to notice the suffering of others. Yes..i used to say..if u have it flaunt it!!! Well..flaunt as much as i want it will not save me in 'akhirat'.
In other way..god works mysteriously, it is such a weird way of wakeup call for me. But i thank 'Allah' for making me realised it before it's too late. Perhaps, my way of writing will hurt others out there but no pun intended, this entry is solely mine..it is about me. Others may have their way of showing their respect n love to god. No doubt i'm no saint and just by writing this doesnt make me better than the rest. This is purely what my heart desire..All i wanted is to share and let this be a reminder if one day i lost my way..i will always remember this entry that i did. This is a promise to myself.
6 comments:
apa2 pun dear I doakan the best for you. also don't be too hard on yourself. I can see your kindness and sincerity.
I can't say much..diri pun senget. But as a friend I want you to succeed in anything you aspire.
One step at a time babe. God will be with you and guide you. Insya Allah.
Salam Ame.. I'm so glad that I've read your entry... masyaAllah... I feel exactly how you feel... What's it with the material and lavish we have now if we don't raise and pray and thank to Allah to still allowing us .. to enjoy very bits of it... Speaking for myself ... We sometimes fail to see for ourself what we had been given... Yet I still whinges and complaint the most trivial matter... Thank you my friend... InshaAllah your wish and dream to Hajj will be fulfilled ... Take care ... You are a strong woman, good mom and daughter ... Indeed a good wife... I'm sure... Xx
Yam, thank u for ur kind words. This is merely a reminder to myself. Kadang2 tuh lupa diri sikit..eehhh bukan sikit banyakkkk. So next time bila agak2 nak tersasar tuh this entry will remind me apa yg i promise to do. Yes..betul ckp u one step at a time. Solat pun kelam kelibut jgn citer yg lain lah. Ramadhan is coming..i think it is a good start..insyAllah..:)
Lynnda..sis, i am reminding myself more than others. I hope my other readers dont think that i'm preaching. I am not..this is my own janji to myself. So next time bila agak2 i dah lupa tuh at least i will remember doing this entry. Ada lah segan sket kat diri sendiri..Thank u sis for dropping me a comment. It means a lot to me..:)
Amelia, thank you for always sharing from your heart, as I have followed your blog.
I admire your strength in searching for a fuller, more meaningful life. A search that is going to be lifelong. I too, on that journey everyday.
I wish you love, comfort (coz searching can be unsettling and painful, but they open new doorways of joys in life), strength, perserverance, and guardian angels to surround you and many more miracles to unfold :)
good entry babe...I like. Betul kata Mariam one step at a time. Hugs, yuzz
Annie..tq so much. It took people who is on the same journey and went through the same pain to understand my feelings right now. Sometimes it can be strangers that touches our heart the most and that their writing is a great consolation to others.
Esp so when it comes from the heart. Thank u so much for ur kind words. Only in my prayer i can thank u and the others. Hugs to u too..:)
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