Always be...a part of me..

I wrote this note today and post it at my FB profile. Just something that i want to share hoping it wud take away some of the pain...

Always be..a part of me..

 

As usual i went to visit her today, mom was there way before i came. I saw her, there's no more smile for me. On my previous visit she wud give me a smile before she start her rambling. Yes, she hardly remembers the time, date and certain people but she always remembers me. If i failed to visit her in one or two days she'll ask bibik 'where is ame?' n for the pass few days she ask for me quite often. Maybe because i always talk to her, even if she starts to ramble about things unrelated. She will say a lot of things that doesnt make sense, but it doesnt bother me. Infact, sometimes i understand her pain n sadness better.

One day she told me to remove her blouse she needs to take her heart and replace it cos she said it's broken...n i told her dont worry, i will replace her broken heart and i will make it better. She told me to take her pain away n that she's so tired. I told her..to go to sleep, i will give her medicine to make her feel better, she nod in understanding. Her head is swollen now, n she's having headache again. She hardly sleeps anymore, when i massage her legs i can only feel bones protuding through her skin. She cried in pain n i can see tears welling up in her eyes. Her screams are of sadness and pain no one cud imagine. Sometimes i pray to Allah to share her pain. If i cud have part of it perhaps she wont feel so bad. I've been sick for 2 weeks now, and i'm glad that he heard me. He makes me realised that there is more to life, he makes me see and he reminds me of his 'presence'. Perhaps i've forgotten to be thankful and i've forgotten about 'akhirat'. Everything in my life is 'duniawi'. He's giving me a wake up call. Thank you Allah.

I know..it wont be long before she bids me goodbye. Infact, the doctor said we have only a week before she goes into coma and then on to meet her creator. Everyone is preparing to hear those dreadful news. I cud never imagine..i know she'll be in better place, but how do u say goodbye to someone who took care of me when i was small, we shared the same house, the same bedroom until the day of her 'akad'. I share her dreams and her story, half of her life was mine too!! How do u say goodbye???

Perhaps apart from my mom, she's the closest and dearest in my heart. I cant stop crying, this tears of mine has been flowing ever since she was hospitalised about a month ago. Memories can never be erased, maybe the pain n sadness will heal with time, but her...she will always be a part of me...